Who Am I ?
~ Nazik al-Mala’ika

The night asks who am I ?
I am its secrets-anxious, black, profound
I am its rebellious silence
I have veiled my nature, with silence,
Wrapped my heart in doubt
And solemn, remained here
gazing, while the ages ask me,
Who am I ?
The wind asks who am I ?
I am its confused spirit, whom time has disowned
I, like it, never resting
continue to travel without end
continue to pass without pause
should we reach a bend
we would think it the end of our suffering
and then-void
Time asks who am I ?
I, like it, am a giant, embracing centuries
I return and grant them resurrection
I create the distant past
From the charm of the pleasant hope
And I return to bury it
to fashion for myself a new yesterday
whose tomorrow is ice.
The self asks me who am I ?
I, like it, am bewildered, gazing into shadows
Nothing gives me peace
I continue asking—and the answer
will remain veiled by mirage
I will keep thinking it has come close
but when I reach it—it has dissolved,
died, disappeared.

This post is part of my Small Devotions series—small moments and small actions that are touchpoints throughout my day, which arose gradually and without a lot of planning or intent on my part, and which serve as reminders to stop and take a minute to get out of my head and restore some perspective to the day.

I am one of those people who reads a newspaper at breakfast—an actual, printed-on-paper newspaper. My local paper is the San Francisco Chronicle. I start with the comics at the back, and work my way forward to the front page, because I believe that no one should read the front page of the newspaper before they are properly fed and caffeinated.

Part of my ritual is reviewing the classifieds. I am fascinated by the Fictitious Business Name (FBN) statements, because, even though most of them are pretty straightforward – “Da Silva’s Accounting Services, Inc., registered by Alicia da Silva”, a few turn up fun names, or names where it’s not clear what the business does. One company has a dba of “Drunken Goat”, and I’m fairly certain that they are not actually in the business of giving intoxicating beverages to farm animals. It’s also fun when my company publishes our statements—it’s a definitive reminder that yes, I run a real business that does real business things, which is a nice boost.

I also enjoy reading them because it means someone is starting a new business, or has reached a five year milestone for their business. (San Francisco businesses have to refile their FBN every five years.) For the new companies, it’s exciting—someone has ideas, and hopes, and plans, and hopefully enough capital to fund their business long enough for it to become profitable. Maybe they’re leasing an office or a storefront, and hiring employees, and buying supplies (you really do have to spend money to make money, that’s not just an adage), and doing their part to send money into circulation so that it will come back to them through the customers of their own business. For the companies renewing their names, it’s also a celebration, because they have made it through another five years, and are still in business.

I read through the FBN notices, and see if there’s anyone I know (sometimes, it happens!). Then, I place my hand over the notices, and offer the following blessing:
May your business prosper and thrive.
May it provide a good living to you, your employees, your consultants and contractors, and your vendors.
May you provide a useful service, to the highest standard, for your clients and customers.
May it be so, for the highest good of all.

I don’t know if it helps, but I figure it also can’t hurt. Someone doesn’t have to accept a blessing sent their way, but perhaps, now and then, one of these entrepreneurs can sense that someone is wishing them well, and perhaps it provides the encouragement they need at that moment to keep going, to keep working to make their business a success.

I also check the Port Schedule, because it’s fun to see where the ships (cargo ships and cruise ships, both) are coming from and where they are heading to when they leave. I offer them this blessing:
May your seas be smooth.
May your journeys be pleasant.
May your progress be on schedule.
May all beings on the ship be well.

I also read the legal notices (a habit from years of working in law firms) to see if I recognize the attorneys involved. I offer this blessing over those listings:
May these matters settle efficiently and fairly.
May justice be done, for the highest good of all.

The notices all include calls for proposals or bids on public works projects. It’s interesting to see what’s happening—road improvements, school repairs/construction, utility upgrades—and see if any of it is going to reach my neighborhood. For those listings, I say this blessing:
May this project be done by the most suitable vendor.
May it be done on time, on budget, and to the highest standard.
May it improve the quality of life for everyone involved, for the highest good of all.

Lastly, I read the obituaries. Some years ago, a dear friend died, and no one told me, because everyone thought someone else had told me. I found out a few weeks after the fact, when I sent him a text, and received a reply from his brother, who was dealing with sorting out my friend’s estate. I offer this blessing:
May you pass peacefully to the afterlife you hoped for.
May your loved ones find comfort.
May your memory be a blessing to them.

I realize most people don’t read newspapers any more, so this may not seem like something that applies in your life. If you don’t read an actual paper, next time you are on a news site, you could try this practice with one of these sections on the website, and see if that works for you.

May your reading bring you blessings!

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[Image description: A teaser screenshot of this week’s Insight from the Oracles, with just a hint of the cards and runes showing.]

Beneath the Tree
—Basho
Translated from the Japanese by Hart Larrabee

Beneath the tree
In the soups and the salads
Cherry blossoms everywhere!

[Image descriptipn: Two rows of cherry trees in full bloom, with orderly rows of petals piled up on the green grass.]

I was able to book an appointment for the Johnson & Johnson “one-and-done” vaccine for today, to my delight and surprise. My first attempt to make an appointment on April 1, when I and 5,499,999 of my California neighbors all became eligible on the same day, was less than unsuccessful. However, a neighbor let me know that the vaccination site at the Oakland Coliseum had availability, and I was able to book an appointment with less than 24 hours of wait time! And yes, I was elated, but I also cried a bit—the idea that I’d finally be able to get the shot was such a relief.

The Coliseum, like most oversized sports arenas, is a large structured surrounded by acres of parking. In addition to the vaccinations, the Oakland As were playing a home game tonight, and the traffic lines for both were quite long—although the vaccination parking lot lines moved much faster!

A mix of local police, Highway Patrol, and National Guard members were managing traffic, along with an amazing number of volunteers. The first stop, a person with a tablet checks your ID and your appointment confirmation, then sends you on to join one of the waiting lines.

I choked up at this point—seeing so many people of all backgrounds and social classes and education and every demographic you can think of, all working together, standing in a barren parking lot on a cold, windy day to help other people—this is the America I signed up to live in.

The lines moved fairly quickly (you stay in your car the whole time—they also have a tent for walk-up appointments), until almost the last turn of the queue. Not a big deal, we were not in a hurry (my husband drove, just in case I had a reaction, I would not have to worry about driving home), and we passed the time chatting. Given the multiple lanes of traffic, and the amount of parking lot that had to be divided into lanes, I amused myself trying to figure out how many traffic cones were in use.

The line moved again, and we were directed into one of many rows inside one of the three *enormous* tents set up for the vaccinations to take place. Two nurses came up to the car to check my ID and verify my information, and informed me there would be a brief wait while a new cooler of vaccines was being brought to the tent. One of the nurses was on her first day at the site, so the other nurse took the pause to bring her up to speed on process. The medical staff and volunteers were chatting with those of us waiting, and someone was playing music, so some of them were dancing, which was fun to see, and some of us were seat-dancing in our cars.

The coolers appeared a few minutes later, and the nurses went to work. I felt the jab, and it burned a bit (I think the new nurse was a bit nervous), but then it was done! They give you back your ID, and your vaccination certificate card, and then you drive forward to waiting area, where, as the senior nurse informed us with a knowing wink, “You can enjoy the view of the graffiti tags” while waiting the 15 minute reaction period. I gushed my thanks, and did a happy “woohoo!”, and applauded the two nurses, who gave me a “woohoo!” in return. Then, all the staff in the tent applauded—

Reader, I cried.

The sheer number of people involved in running this vaccination center, and the enthusiasm, energy, and care they showed—even after standing on their feet in the cold, on a concrete parking lot, for eight hours—was deeply moving. Even though I’ve stayed in touch with friends and done a lot of virtual gatherings in the past 14 months, which have been so helpful for my mental state, there is nothing like being with a group of people all working in the same space towards a shared goal to create a feeling of connection.

This is the power of the people, the collective will of the community channeled into service for the highest good of all. I am humbled by their service, and I am honored to a part of this community.